Aging Vs Maturing

 

Nowadays it is fashionable  for many old  persons like me ,when complemented on their agility and cheerful disposition and participation in  group activity such as Bollywood dancing, laughing aloud or practicing kapalabhati in public places like parks , reply  “ Age is just a number.”   We do not realize  that such complements are given more  out of deference for our age  than asking us to  be  our age.

At 85+, I thought I should evaluate myself against the two parameters of age and maturity. Thanks to my doctor’s diagnosis  of  my many complaints like diabetes,  hypertension, joint pains, shortness of breath and bouts of slumber during waking hours as all “Age Related”,  I am convinced  that I  score very high along the age axis. However, along the other maturity axis , I have to depend on other’s perceptions of my behaviour and attitude to get my score.

 I know their politeness prevents them from expressing an honest opinion about my maturity.   However,  on one occasion  the  opinion  of my superior about me  during my  career resulted in difficulty to get a scholarship to go abroad for higher studies. The other assessment about this attribute of my character must have been presumably favourable since in government offices the dictum is only adverse remarks are communicated.

I don’t understand why opinions about one’s maturity are treated confidential and ,if ever aired , are always behind one’s back. This hidden aspect of my persona leads me to wildly guess how others would have seen me and to indulge in  a new pastime  during  my sleepless hours of  nights when I compose  in the third person singular what I crave  to hear about myself  from others.  For instance, I would imagine that my wife would tell others that but for me she would not have learned the use of correct prepositions and other English grammatical niceties or praise me for my immaculate and cultivated dignity, respect, elan and politeness in my conversations with others, especially with those from her side of the family.

The regret is assessment of maturity is external and subjective and depends on the assessee’s sense of discretion, tolerance, timing and even choice of words when speaking and using a preconceived notion of right or wrong, moral or ethical or an indeterminate consistence with physical age.

 Both aging and maturing are natural phases in everyone’s life . They connote  growth- the former in a biological/physical sense while the latter with reference to behaviour and attitudes. They are mostly  corelated positively i.e., the higher the age , the greater the maturity. The difference between them however is the units of their measurement, age is measured in units of time like years and months , while maturity relies on external perceptions of others judging a person’s behaviour / attitude vis a vis a given situation.   

There can also be sometimes negative correlation  between age and the degree of maturity. Some children are precocious showing extraordinary intelligence at a level expected of a seasoned elder person. If it is exhibited by interruption when elders are discussing some issue, they are dubbed premature or even more crudely as in Tamil “pijile pazuthathu”( ripen when still a bud) or “mundri kottai”( the jetting out nut in a cashew fruit) or “adhika prasangi”( over ripe) . There was one such child known to us in Delhi?/Shimla years ago whose father began his conversation with others first by asking the child to keep shut. Similarly, if an aged person says or does something or opines out of turn in a conversation or discussion , he is said to exhibit “Vayadhana alavukku arivu valara villai” (Showing a low degree of maturity not  consistent with his age) or “padicha muttal”( educated fool)

The difference between these items  is the units of their measurement, age is measured in units of time like years and months , as well as other external body - signs  like height, weight hair and its colour, skin and its wrinkles  and many mental signs like gender aspirations, aptitude for learning etc. On the other hand, maturity relies on external perceptions of others judging a person’s behaviour / attitude vis a vis a given situation with  the assessor using  a preconceived notion of right or wrong, moral or ethical  or the indeterminate  consistence with physical age.

Can I now expect some dispassionate assessment of my maturity  and its compatibility with my age?

 

 

   

 I am republishing hereunder my earlier post dated 1st October 2016 where I  lamented the difficulty when newspapers bring out their daily editions without ever thinking about the problems faced by the readers.  Things have only worsened since then. In the present festive season, there are more pages carrying advertisements for items ranging from designer watches to jewelry to shoes to pressure cookers.  Then there are of course full-page advertisements about the great advancements made by  States preparing for elections with beaming photos of  CMs and national leaders. There is no definite page carrying the crossword puzzle, it is on the last page some days or elsewhere on others. The most annoying thing is the one-third-width pages, two or three of them carrying even important news on Ukraine- Russia or Israel - Hamas war.

I even wonder if the newspaper owners are like the Raakhchashas of yore  deriving sadistic  pleasure from readers' difficulties

"I have been a newspaper reader since my teens. I was very particular in turning the pages properly along the central fold and keeping the page I was reading properly aligned. I would fold the page in the middle while reading the upper / lower section and even fold to a quarter-size page when doing crossword.

All this disciplined manner is now threatened ever since the newspapers have changed their page presentation. For instance, The Times of India, Mumbai increases the width of some pages by an inch or so which jets out like a dog's tongue after a brisk run. In some editions, the first page is entirely devoted to a full-page advertisement, and the page is slit in the middle vertically and opens like a two-door window. Worse is the single page in the central section which falls on the floor often.

All these are irritants to a septuagenarian newspaper addict like me. Will I see my newspaper presented like in the good old days before I fold and close myself and am not there to open it"

 The Old Men and The Sea of Change

Nowadays it is common to hear some of us, old men and women, lamenting that we are not paid any attention we deserve from our young near and dear children and grandchildren. A sense of redundancy appears to have grown over us and we fuss and fret about being marginalized.

This set me thinking for some time now. My sense is that we oldies and not the youngsters are responsible for it. We have not come out of the cocoons of our old understandings, beliefs, and prejudices. Little have we realized that in our own lifetime a lot many things have changed; changes in social and economic lifestyles, values and customs, technology, family relationships, privacy concerns, etc. While many of us have not only not recognized and accepted them, some are even questioning them. Our failure to cope with these changes has resulted in a big generational gap. Even if we are ready to learn and adopt these changes and be on par with our youngsters, the youngsters have no time in their competitive lifestyle to teach and upskill us.

Let me cite a few areas as examples where we are far behind our present times.

First, we face quite a problem in understanding their lingo. Perhaps because of the speed of their lifestyle, they are given to brevity of language. So, when they tell us “cool”, it is not to shut us up but rather say, let us agree to disagree. Similarly, when they freely use the four-letter word f**k, they only suggest getting lost. The emoticons they use to convey emotions are works of great creativity. have saved hundreds of words

Most of us are not trained to use modern technology. At best, we have coped with the computer and the internet. Today it is the age of Robotics, AI (Artificial Intelligence) ChatGpt , notwithstanding their potential to damage our instinctive creativity. We used to learn gambling from watching the Casinos where real currency was used. Today, our youngsters talk about making millions by trading in Bitcoins using blockchain technology. Would we ever be able to master these marvels of technology?

In our times, such of us as were politically and societally sensitive, we talked about the indiscriminate use of atomic energy and fossil fuels. Today, our youngsters are worried about global warming, climate change, and the greenhouse effect. How many of us can engage them in insightful debate/discussion to share perceptions?

We disdain modern forms of music like Heavy metal or Gully rap which attract them more than even the sober sitar of Ravi Shankar. Do we even show patience in listening when the youngsters play them loud?

Therefore, if we want to be counted, we must upgrade and upskill ourselves to adopt the continuous changes happening all around us. Then alone we will feel we are not sell-by date products past the expiry date.

Rise Up Ye Old Men &Women, We Have Nothing To Lose But Only Learn

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My recent piece, on "Self-help in old age" brought out a few responses showing sympathy and consolation presuming that I actually was craving for praise. But after reading the "Middle" by my role model blogger Bikram Vohra in The Times of India, Mumbai edition, ( reproduced below), I now think that I too indeed have been neglected!

Ageist Party

" I said I didn’t want to go but the family insisted so I got into uncomfortable clothes and went to the party. Younger people have absolutely no idea how to handle us older lot. They think if they put you in a comfy chair their job is done. The host walks up and says, oh so nice uncle came, what will he have. Firstly, I am not your flipping uncle and secondly, cut this third-party talk, all six feet of me sitting here, talk to me directly.

Then they get you a drink and, if it is alcohol, they pour such a small one you could serve it in a teaspoon. At which point a young lady to whom you have just been introduced as your daughter’s father is doing that mandatory good manners ‘hanging in there for 90 seconds’ act and to fill in the pointless silence says hope the snacks are not too spicy for you. Darling I could not only out-drink you under the table I can also out-spice you under that same table.

Then they patronise. Hope the music is not too loud, should we tone it down.

Most irritatingly, they also talk loudly and slowly and they see this as stunning good manners. Stop yelling, young man.

You wonder what you are doing there seeing as how they never invited you directly, it is always the kids saying they asked to bring you along, like a stepney and it really bugs you and now you have finished the teaspoon in one sip and no one is refilling it because no one thinks you will have another teaspoon of whisky. You sit and you sog, the big ignore broken occasionally by sundry folks coming to pay their respects. And you are thinking stuff your respect, I came to have a good time.

There is an intriguing, heated discussion among four or five of them and they are using cheerful expletives and looks like fun so you heave yourself out of the chair and you join them, all set with your two penny worth of opinion and because of you entering the fray the debate dies in the water and every one kind of goes into such tedious politeness you want to use expletives.

So you slink back to your chair and wish you were home watching Netflix or reading a book, so much more fun than younger people being nice, nothing is more dreary. Finally the ordeal is over, you have been used as the excuse to leave early, everyone understands (aaaarghhhh) and on the way back you are asked if you enjoyed the evening. No."

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15You, Vinod Veerkar, Venu Sundar and 12 others

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 Self-Help in Old Age

Of late, I feel a certain void in my  life as nobody praises me to my face for all the good qualities I possess and exhibit.  When I was in service in semi-government offices and later as faculty in management training/education institutions, I used to receive,  expectedly of course,   encomiums about my intelligence and oration showered by  my subordinates and  students respectively. Now even the group of senior citizens  I meet in our Cooperative Housing Society  have stopped  praising  my erudition in Hindi despite  being a Tamil.

All the above notwithstanding,  what disappoints me the most is that  my wife too does not appreciate  my astute political analysis vis -a -vis Karnataka elections or my insightful interpretation of the New Education Policy 2020 or NCERT’s rationalization of school syllabi or  my profound musical heritage. The last talent extends to all forms of music ranging from classical Carnatic to Hindustani to film music and  even the  jingles in TV advertisements  like the one on Rajasthan’s march of progress.      

During our morning ritual of sipping coffee  at the dining table when the social distance between us is narrow, the wife sits like Rodin’s statue ”The Thinker”. The invigorating coffee sets me  on my talents exhibiting one or the other of the many things mentioned above. and she sits there as if to prove the old adage that No Man is a hero to his Woman. At the most,  her response on these occasions is confined  to listing my  tasks for the day such as  buying  vegetables and groceries including broomstick and mop cloth or getting the Society electrician to repair the non-functional geyser switch in the bathroom.  As if this was not bad enough, she would ask me to secure  the dhoti tightly with a belt so that I don’t walk like Mammooti and Mohandas in Malayalam films always holding one end of the dhoti.

This sense of deep desperation  has landed me in  a new pastime  during  my sleepless hours on the nights when I compose  in the third person singular what I crave  to hear about myself  from others. I find this a jolly good exercise for semi-insomniacs.  For instance, I would imagine that my wife would tell others that  I am the only person with the gift to appreciate the different beats of the dholak player in film music  while others go for the voice of the singer, the beauty of the lyrics, or the symphony of the instruments.  Similarly, I visualize her admitting to others  that but for me  she would not have  learned the use  of correct prepositions  and other English grammatical niceties. I even would imagine as if she  praises me  for my immaculate and  cultivated dignity, respect, and politeness in my conversations with others, especially with those from her side of the family.  

Now,  tell me, readers,  am I wrong in presenting to  myself those adoring  words of  praise for me but don’t  get them anymore  and therefore choose the  “ Atma Nirbhar “route to compose them myself? 

 Media Reforms

It is the season for reforms now, what with people demanding administrative, electoral, judicial and even constitutional reforms towards betterment of our lives. For me, however, media reforms are the most important for making my daily life happier and less irksome. In spite of the regulatory bodies for the print media like the Press Council of India, my difficulties as a user have not been addressed by their regulations. They only deal with the CONTENT of the news and not from the point of view of user- convenience of the readers.

My newspaper reading started in early 1950s in Delhi as a teenager. The Hindustan Times those days was printed in an unchanging format of pages to facilitate turning to the right page for reading the editorial, the middles, articles, sports news, local crime news, news from abroad and even obituaries. Advertisements were there then also, but mostly notices inviting tenders issued by the government and photographs of missing persons inserted by the Delhi Police. . No advertisements of soaps and detergents, electronic goods, tuition classes, Daily editions were usually in multiples of 4 pages making it easy to hold the paper with both hands in the middle, sitting relaxedly in a chair sipping coffee. My father, myself and my young nephew would rush to grab the paper as the delivery boy threw it at our door. We did not redistribute the pages amongst ourselves as was done in Corporation Public Reading Rooms. Instead, we breathed down the neck of the one who was reading and urging him to read quickly. Yet, it was a pleasure reading the newspaper those days and when the paper did not come on public holidays, we felt that the day has been a waste.

Contrast the above with the travails of the newspaper reader today. A single sheet containing important news and not advertisements is loosely tucked inside. It falls off every now and then. Often a couple pages wider than other pages are added with strips of the extra width jutting out like the sore thumb. These aberrations apart, headlines making news in front page are continued in an inner page, many a time with a different heading.

Full page advertisements occupy first two sheets, which makes the news worthy of first page, appears actually on the 5th page which however is numbered as page 1. Full page advertisements range from Coaching Classes, with photographs of All India Rank-holders with names such as Aggarwals and Bansals , to the e-commerce merchandise seller announcing festival sale with hefty discounts, to builders putting up panoramic view of their forthcoming housing projects in exotic spots with artificial lakes with names like Chateau . Then there are the inserts of fliers of various sizes and shapes containing the menu of the local restaurants or services of the gender-neutral beauty parlor. Last but not the least are the full page announcements of forthcoming Business Conferences organized by either the newspaper or some industry association with names of eminent panelists for selecting the best entrepreneur/ start-up/ life-time achiever etc. of the year and of course the names of speakers from foreign business schools and our own Cabinet Ministers and some spiritual guru followed in the subsequent days photographic coverage of the event occupying even more full pages .These have reduced the importance and the space for Letters To The Editor, the reader’s only column called his own

As an octogenarian addicted to my daily quota of newspaper reading from page one to the last page item “printed and published” as the cliché goes, where do I go to read a paper with ONLY NEWS

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Ramasubban Subramanian

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