Tuesday, 14 November 2023

 Aging Vs Maturing

 

Nowadays it is fashionable  for many old  persons like me ,when complemented on their agility and cheerful disposition and participation in  group activity such as Bollywood dancing, laughing aloud or practicing kapalabhati in public places like parks , reply  “ Age is just a number.”   We do not realize  that such complements are given more  out of deference for our age  than asking us to  be  our age.

At 85+, I thought I should evaluate myself against the two parameters of age and maturity. Thanks to my doctor’s diagnosis  of  my many complaints like diabetes,  hypertension, joint pains, shortness of breath and bouts of slumber during waking hours as all “Age Related”,  I am convinced  that I  score very high along the age axis. However, along the other maturity axis , I have to depend on other’s perceptions of my behaviour and attitude to get my score.

 I know their politeness prevents them from expressing an honest opinion about my maturity.   However,  on one occasion  the  opinion  of my superior about me  during my  career resulted in difficulty to get a scholarship to go abroad for higher studies. The other assessment about this attribute of my character must have been presumably favourable since in government offices the dictum is only adverse remarks are communicated.

I don’t understand why opinions about one’s maturity are treated confidential and ,if ever aired , are always behind one’s back. This hidden aspect of my persona leads me to wildly guess how others would have seen me and to indulge in  a new pastime  during  my sleepless hours of  nights when I compose  in the third person singular what I crave  to hear about myself  from others.  For instance, I would imagine that my wife would tell others that but for me she would not have learned the use of correct prepositions and other English grammatical niceties or praise me for my immaculate and cultivated dignity, respect, elan and politeness in my conversations with others, especially with those from her side of the family.

The regret is assessment of maturity is external and subjective and depends on the assessee’s sense of discretion, tolerance, timing and even choice of words when speaking and using a preconceived notion of right or wrong, moral or ethical or an indeterminate consistence with physical age.

 Both aging and maturing are natural phases in everyone’s life . They connote  growth- the former in a biological/physical sense while the latter with reference to behaviour and attitudes. They are mostly  corelated positively i.e., the higher the age , the greater the maturity. The difference between them however is the units of their measurement, age is measured in units of time like years and months , while maturity relies on external perceptions of others judging a person’s behaviour / attitude vis a vis a given situation.   

There can also be sometimes negative correlation  between age and the degree of maturity. Some children are precocious showing extraordinary intelligence at a level expected of a seasoned elder person. If it is exhibited by interruption when elders are discussing some issue, they are dubbed premature or even more crudely as in Tamil “pijile pazuthathu”( ripen when still a bud) or “mundri kottai”( the jetting out nut in a cashew fruit) or “adhika prasangi”( over ripe) . There was one such child known to us in Delhi?/Shimla years ago whose father began his conversation with others first by asking the child to keep shut. Similarly, if an aged person says or does something or opines out of turn in a conversation or discussion , he is said to exhibit “Vayadhana alavukku arivu valara villai” (Showing a low degree of maturity not  consistent with his age) or “padicha muttal”( educated fool)

The difference between these items  is the units of their measurement, age is measured in units of time like years and months , as well as other external body - signs  like height, weight hair and its colour, skin and its wrinkles  and many mental signs like gender aspirations, aptitude for learning etc. On the other hand, maturity relies on external perceptions of others judging a person’s behaviour / attitude vis a vis a given situation with  the assessor using  a preconceived notion of right or wrong, moral or ethical  or the indeterminate  consistence with physical age.

Can I now expect some dispassionate assessment of my maturity  and its compatibility with my age?

 

 

   

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