Women’s Day Musings

The 8^th  of March each year   is   observed  globally as Women’s Day  in  honor of   women for their qualities of courage ,compassion, and resilience and in recognition of their rights to equal opportunities, education, and respect . Women leaders like our own Indira Gandhi, Margret Thatcher, Sirimavo Bandaranaike inspired awe and fear in men including their male counterparts . Indira Gandhi was even called the only Man in her cabinet which in my opinion is not acceptable. Such description puts  man   on  a higher status for the woman to  break the  glass ceiling to claim equality - a notion  very antithesis of the spirit underlying  Women’s Day

My adoration of women began early in my life and lasted  till  I married one. For most married men,  a  sense of fear of the wife develops affecting their relationship.  Even the most courageous husband appears  afraid of  his better half.  Incidentally,  the phrase better- half  for the wife seems apt because the  man’s other half is filled only with fear for her.  Mythology is silent about Gods who have their spouses in half their bodies referring to them as better halves.

Most  husbands who  outside their homes  act and roar like  lions become meek and weak like  lambs  in the presence of their wives.   There is the famous story about a  queue of men outside the Pearly  Gate waiting for admission to Heaven when the person managing the queue asked those who feared their wives to stand in one line and the others in another line. All lined up in one line  except one man  who stood alone in a separate  line. When  asked whether  he did not fear his wife, he answered that that his wife had told him not to stand in the same line with others!  Or the other one about a man who avowed before the idol of Ganesha that he would break a hundred coconuts if the journey he was going on with his wife would be safe. At this  the wife was furious with rage and gave him a look with her  eyes brimming fire. He shivered and hid his face from Ganesha with a hand and whispered to her that it was only a “Jumla”  

In Bharat , we had followed the principle of  man  superior, pun unintended, at home till the radical, worldwide second wave feminist movement in the late 1960s through the 1980s alerted  us about equality of genders, not merely for voting but also in house chores like washing, cooking and baby- sitting, etc. However,  governments  in Maharashtra , Bihar, Tamil Nadu etc.  do not seem to be  convinced by this equality argument. They pay  cash,  provide free ride in Buses and Metro only to women.  Are they too afraid of women ?    

Try as I might to get my wife treating me like husband of  yore, I confess I have failed. In the formative years of our married life, I would follow the laissez faire policy, which in one of my books on political science, was explained as “let the sleeping dogs lie” policy. But not anymore,  after nearly sixty years, I now gather some courage to air my opinion on  domestic, national, international issues and  topics ranging from local vegetable prices in APMC market in Mumbai, MeToo campaigns in Mollywood and elsewhere, destruction and construction of places of worship, global warming, water seepage seen on the Taj Mahal and other miscellaneous matters like Chandrayan, the comment of our PM that the  present era is of peace and not war and yet two of his friends have not heeded leading to the ongoing Iran-US-Israel War.

While I willingly share all my opinions with my wife, she more often than not turns a deaf year and lo and behold, shows deep scorn.  This has led me feel total disappointment since even the one closest to me fails to acknowledge my extensive wisdom and all  the good qualities I possess and exhibit.  While I was in service in semi-government offices and later as faculty in management training/education institutions, I used to receive,  expectedly of course,   encomiums about my intelligence and oration from  my subordinates and  students respectively. Now even the group of senior citizens  I meet in our Cooperative Housing Society  have stopped  praising  my erudition in Hindi despite  being a Tamil.

All the above notwithstanding,  what disappoints me the most is that  my wife  does not appreciate  my astute political analysis vis -a -vis Karnataka elections or my insightful interpretation of the New Education Policy 2020 or NCERT’s rationalization of school syllabi or  my profound musical heritage. The last talent extends to all forms of music ranging from classical Carnatic to Hindustani to film music and  even the  jingles in TV advertisements  like the one on Rajasthan’s march of progress.      

During our morning ritual of sipping coffee  at the dining table when the social distance between us is narrow, the wife sits like Rodin’s statue ”The Thinker”. The invigorating coffee sets me narrating to her one or the other of my virtues. Nothing moves her and  she sits there as if to prove the old adage that No Man is a hero to his Woman. At the most,  her response on these occasions is confined  to listing my  tasks for the day such as cutting the sturdy 2 kg yam for making chips,   buying groceries including broomstick and mop cloth or getting the Society electrician to repair the non-functional geyser switch in the bathroom.  As if this was not bad enough, she would point out to  my dhoti slipping often and chide me to tie and secure it firmly  so that I don’t walk like Mammooti and Mohandas in Malayalam films  holding one end of the dhoti.

Like the Feminist Movement, I wish there was a Movement of Anguished Husbands to secure for them dignity, acknowledgement, and forbearance of their qualities of peaceful co-existence with their respective wives.

 N.B. This blog issues with my wife’s permission!